HIV is a shattering fact of everyday life for an infected person and it poses challenges for everyone involved. It isn’t just the individual infected who faces a scary situation, but also the person’s friends and family.


When someone is robbed of a healthy and carefree life, their fears and suffering are also shared by the people closest to them.

When someone you know is diagnosed with HIV, you may feel helpless and inadequate. To comfort your friend, you put on a tender smile and say “just call if you need anything”. Yet the minute those words have slipped from your mouth, you immediately fear that call, should it come.

Many people experience these reactions especially when the person means a great deal to you. The key is to remain exactly who and what you were to the person before you got the news.

Firstly, never avoid your friend. Understand that they are going through a rough time, far worse than you. Feeling lonely and shunned from the world they knew isn’t going to help them deal with their illness. Visit the person the same way you used to, bring over their favourite meal and should they want to talk about the issue, listen tentatively and offer sound advice. It might help to learn a bit more about their disease to really understand what the person is going through.

Try not to show that you are scared and if your friend doesn’t wish to talk about it at all, understand that everyone has their own means of dealing with issues. Simply sitting silently in each other’s company listening to music or watching a movie will make that person appreciate you more as a friend. Much can be expressed without words.

Often enough, infected people feel that they have a large neon sign above their head flashing their HIV status. For this reason, they shun away from the public and even support groups, doctors and clinics. If your friend is okay with it, offer to go with them to their medical appointments. Knowing that someone is there for them can do a great deal to make the experience less traumatic and then afterwards as a treat, and if your friend is feeling up to it, take them out to the movies or even just go for a stroll. Getting back into civilization is an important aspect of learning to deal with his/her status and to move on with their life.

Just as you may be feeling certain things that make you feel guilty later on or indeed a bad friend, realize that the person’s family is probably experiencing the same thing. If you can, offer to help them look after your friend if their condition is serious. They too need a break and just like you, they may be in need of someone’s shoulder to cry on or someone to simply talk to.

Lastly, don’t permit your friend to blame themselves. Make them understand that lifestyles don’t cause diseases, viruses do and that it can happen to anyone, regardless of lifestyle, race, religion, financial position or education. Remember that a positive attitude is the most infectious condition anyone can contract! HIV has brought more people and families together than it has separated them, so be ‘positive’ together.

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