Disclosing to your closest
Finding the right time to tell your children about your status isn’t easy, and there is no perfect time. For such a serious matter, you should make sure you are completely comfortable with disclosing your status to your children, but child psychologists also warn that you shouldn’t leave it until too late.
Children are extremely sharp and can usually tell when something is wrong and it won’t take them long to put two and two together. Little tell-tale signs will also spark their curiosity, from frequent visits to the doctor to medication bottles laying around the home.
Many parents worry about how the news will affect their children and whether they are placing an unnecessary burden on their child. Many kids tend to express concern over their own health and how their parent's diagnosis will affect them before starting to question their parents - understanding this is normal is vitally important.
A child’s reaction can differ largely: some children become clingy, fearing if they leave their parent's side something bad might happen. Some children would no longer want to go to school because they don’t want to be separated from their parents, while others become sad and express anxiety for their parent’s health.
On the off hand, some children get angry because you might not have told them sooner or you might have informed other people before telling them. These are all natural reactions and parents should anticipate these feelings from their child and offer support and understanding.
For parents who fear they are placing an unnecessary burden on their child, you need to establish whether the child is mature enough to understand and cope with your status. Often enough, children already feel burdened from day to day things such as homework, peer pressure as well as choosing right from wrong. As a responsible parent you need to assess whether you will be adding a burden to your child’s already stress-filled life and if they can cope with your news.
As parents prepare to disclose their status to their children, many wonder whether their child will be stigmatized because of their diagnosis. We’ve all heard that ‘children can be cruel’ and this statement is true, especially amongst younger kids. It is up to the parent to assess whether their child will be teased or bullied. Will they lose friends? Will others say hurtful things about you, the parent, to your child? Simply put, you need to know whether disclosing your diagnosis to your child will impact their life outside the home and whether it will make their lives more difficult.
Of course, the most common fear parents have is not knowing if their child can keep their secret. Many people living with HIV prefer it if only a few people know about their status. Disclosing your status to your child would mean they would have to respect your need for confidentiality and to keep the news to themselves. This often proves very difficult especially for young children because many deal with their personal problems at home by talking to their friends, just like most adults do.
Lastly, and only if you decide to tell your children, let them know that they are always welcome to come speak to you again should they have any questions. Making them understand that you are there for them just as they are there for you will put them at ease. This could erase a lot of fear which might have been instilled in them when you disclosed your status. Support them in return and reiterate that being HIV positive is not a death sentence.
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