Anyone’s initial answer to this is usually presumed to be “No way! It’s far too risky”, but take the following into consideration: Has this person been completely upfront with you, are they taking all the necessary medications and are they in overall good health? This could make a world of difference.

If your prospective partner has AIDS, you must consider how they got it. They might have contracted it because of promiscuous sexual behaviour, but then again it only takes that one time. It may be that they were infected through a needle, but was this from drug use or by accident? 

Before you pull out your giant, red stop sign, it is advised you consider all the elements. It would help if you gather all the information you require to answer any queries you might have. “What if I become infected? What about having children? How will I cope if my partner dies?”

HIV is found in blood, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk. If you are worried about becoming infected by your HIV positive partner, you must be sure not to come into direct contact with those secretions. HIV can also be spread through contaminated needles so don’t share needles or blades. In essence, the risk of becoming infected by your partner could be reduced drastically if you take the necessary precautions. You can start a family even if you or your partner has AIDS. The decision may be complicated, but many infected women have given birth  to healthy babies. JC*, a business man from Cape Town, was asked if he would marry someone with AIDS and he said “Well, if I was already in love with a person with HIV and they did not contract it through consensual intercourse then yes, I would marry her. If, however she contracted it through consensual intercourse with a man other than myself while being in a relationship with me, it would be clear that I’m not the man for her. I would be willing to risk infection to be with the woman I love but only if my love is reciprocated”.
 
“If we had met and she neglected to tell me of her HIV status, only enlightening me when I proposed, then no, I would not marry her,” he adds.

“Honesty is very important to me and I would feel like my trust was betrayed. I have yet to meet someone that I’m attracted to who is HIV positive. If things were made very clear from the onset I would consider marrying her,” JC says. “HIV is manageable and I would not mind looking after the woman I love if or when things start to go bad.”

Many people think AIDS is a death sentence, but Dr. K Wiswedel, a fertility specialist at The Cape Fertility Clinic, disagrees. “HIV is not a death sentence anymore it is just a chronic disease, like diabetes... you can live a healthy life and have the same life expectancy as anybody else.”

HIV/AIDS can be treated to such an extent that an individual can live a long, healthy life. However, death is inevitable and many may have to cope with the death of a spouse in their lifetime. When your partner does pass away, deal with the grief, but maintain your regular schedule. It is okay to cry, join a support group if you must, there are several stages of grieving, but the bottom line is that everyone that loses a partner will need to journey on this rough passage. Talk to a counselor, other people in the same situation or your doctor if you have any questions or troubles.

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